4 Every Day Phrases That’ll Surely Destroy Your Marriage (+ What You Can Do About It)
Hi guys, are you ready to STOP destroying your marriage through what you say??
Yes? Then this post is for you!
Many—and I mean many—individuals subconsciously destine their marriage for FAILURE because of these few common mistakes.
Don’t let it be you… especially when they’re so easily fixable!
Everyone loves to throw around that “communication is key” to a relationship like confetti. And, yes… so do we!
Yet, unlike others, we walk the talk and take the time to consider what it really means.
Let me be the one to tell you that it takes more than just “communicating” to make a relationship work.
It’s not just the WORDS you say but HOW you say them!
Let us help you word-proof your marriage TODAY by doing these easy fixes:
STOP saying “You never ____________”
How easy it is to say “You never do xyz like I told you” in a middle of a fight? TOO EASY!
In fact, it’s frequently the go-to when searching for past conflicts to solidify current frustrations.
And… it’s a really bad habit that everyone is guilty of doing.
Without a doubt, it’s a sure way to break a relationship (just in case you’re oddly looking for a way to).
Need a solution?
You bet we have one!
Discuss the topic at hand, the one happening RIGHT now… not 10 years ago or 10 years from now.
The problem right. now.
STOP saying “You(‘re) always _____________”
If you’re looking for a fight, this is the sure way to start!
Starting off with “You(‘re) always….” immediately puts one on the defensive. In addition, it does two other things:
1) Makes an assumption…
2) Sets expectations…
Think about it… If you tell someone “You’re going to be late, like you always are”, then guess what? They’re not even going to try to be on time because you’re already expecting them to be late!
Plus, you’re assuming what the person may do, instead of what they will do.
Perhaps your spouse is actively trying to work on not being late, yet saying “you’re always late” will likely make him or her less likely to change.
Ask questions. Never assume.
Ask why they are always late and explore ways around the “why.”
STOP saying” You (Insert Expletive 😳)”
Yes, we’re going there.
It never ceases to amaze me, the amount of derogatory name calling that goes one between spouses!
LET ME SAY IT LOUD FOR THE ONES IN THE BACK: Do NOT refer to your loved one in the form of an explicit word.
Even seemingly “mild” terms such as stupid, idiot, dummy, etc. are sure ways to guarantee that you two will be fighting—constantly. Doing so can cause you to view and treat them in a new light… and likely, vice versa.
It’s never ok to call anyone names… I mean, we literally teach this to children on a daily basis. Well, it goes for your marriage, as well.
Remember, respect given is respect earned.
STOP saying “Well, so and so does xyz for their spouse!”
Um, who cares?
The grass isn’t greener on the other side (and if it is, it’s because it’s being cared for!)
Learn to appreciate the differences you each bring into the marriage.
This is so important in the age of social media and #BLESSED lives.
I know it seems that everyone has the perfect marriage with the perfect sweet photos and captions that go *perfectly* along with it.
Newsflash… that’s their highlight reel <<— And they definitely don’t show you the outtakes.
Before you know it, you’ve fallen into the trap of comparing your marriage to Mr. & Mrs. Jones… and start to actually destroy your own marriage with comparisonitis.
Guys, I can’t say it enough, social media marriages aren’t always what they seem.
Superficially they appear to be the perfect pair, but underneath, we never know what’s TRULY going on.
I’ve personally known marriages that ended in divorce, yet on social media they were presenting themselves as the perfect pair.
Talk about a shocker!
Your love story is unique and deserves to be celebrated as is.
Yes, it’s great to have marriages to help motivate you to be your best… and yes, that 80-year-old couple still making googly eyes at each other is #GOALS… but remember to keep the focus on YOUR MARRIAGE..
The key is not to lust after wanting to have “that marriage” but understanding the principle behind that marriage you’re admiring.
For example, say you really do admire Mr. & Mrs. Jones marriage.
Instead of saying to your spouse: “You never do so and so like Mr/Mrs. Jones does for each other” (ie: Mr. Jones brings Mrs. Jones flowers “just because” every month), ask yourself:
- What is the reason Mr. Jones brings Mrs. Jones flowers?
- Is it because receiving gifts is her love language?
- Is it because Mr. Jones was just thinking of his wife and wanted to do something to let her know he was thinking of her?
- Or, it could even be a guilt gift because Mr. Jones did something he knew he shouldn’t and is trying to be back in Mrs. Jones’ good graces again. Trust me, it happens!
The takeaway here should be
- In what ways can I let my spouse know that I was thinking of them?
- How can I connect with my spouse and let them know I love them through their love language?
- How can I surprise my spouse by taking part of their activities “just because?”
We (Lawrence + I) have two married couples whom we look up to: one around our age and another significantly older than us.
We’re constantly evaluating their relationships and asking ourselves: what do we like about it, what don’t we like about it, what can we implement from them, and what advice(s) should we ignore.
What we’ve noticed is that sometimes the advice given to us doesn’t actually work for OUR marriage—and, in fact, can actually hurt our marriage.
Thus, we came to the understanding that every marriage is unique and every couple has a specific calling from God to demonstrate His love to humanity through them. Can I get an AMEN?
Seek to understand your and your spouse’s marital ministry together vs. trying to adapt a lifestyle that you weren’t called for.
At times, what you see as differences are actually strengths in disguise (we actually go into detail about this in the course “Beyond the Altar”).
Or, you can also get a personalized guide to a more successful marriage life by following this link here.
Remember, your marriage is so much more uniquely ordained then Mr. & Mrs. Jones’ marriage—because it was made just.for.you.two!.
‘Till next time! 🙂
To love, always,
Lawrence + Nathalie
Professional bio: We’re a husband-and-wife marriage mentoring team who equips struggling couples with effective communication techniques. We believe in thinking outside the box when working with couples because everyone—including YOU—has a unique, extraordinary love story. We’re passionate about teaching you how to replace the negative, unproductive communication patterns that just aren’t working with positive, more beneficial ones that will transform your marriage. To learn more visit: www.loveslegato.com. We cannot wait to meet you! Mark 10:9