Marital Advice For The Newlyweds
Before we get into it however, I want to say that while I hope you’ve been loving the other posts so far, my bigger hope is that you’ve been working together to implement some of the necessary actions for strengthening your marriage.
If not, what are you waiting for? A healthier and happier marriage is just a few intentional actions away!
Now back to that awesome advice I WISH I HAD before marriage…
If you happened to go to premarital counseling then I feel confident that you left with tons of useful information for making the most of your relationship. For some reason however, there always seems to be particular advice that’s left out- and today, that’s exactly what we’re diving into.
Why is what I’m about to tell you rarely covered? We may never know- but what’s important is that you know it now! Of all the advice you’ll likely get throughout your marriage, this is what you should hold onto the hardest- and you’ll be amazed at how drastically your relationship can change just by knowing and working through these valuable lessons:
You ARE Going to Make Mistakes
And I mean, a lot of mistakes: and that’s ok!
It’s only natural, and hey, allow yourself some grace because in case you haven’t noticed: you are human. Here’s the thing though… while some mistakes have the potential to be more detrimental than others, it’s not the mistakes themselves that are the problem- but how we handle them.
For example, one of the costliest mistakes (literally) my husband and I experienced about two months into our marriage valued at $3,400! Yep, that’s thousands, not hundreds. To add salt to the wound, there were so many potential ways to blame one other to shift it from ourselves.
Thankfully, we didn’t sink that low- and instead, we did this:
- Analyzed the situation from our individual point of views…
- Discussed the signs we missed both individually and collectively…
- Made a plan for how we will deal with similar situations like that in the future…
Were we still out over $3k? ABSOLUTELY- and yes, it stung.
But by not pointing the finger at one another and instead working together, it didn’t cost us something even more valuable – our relationship. In the end, it actually brought us closer together, too.
Learning how to master this early in your marriage will help to set the tone for everything else to come. Whether it’s his fault or yours, who cares? The lesson here is to always remember that ultimately you are ONE… and the solution should always be a united front.
You Must Learn to Work Together
There’s no “easy button” or “overnight fix” for this, but with time, patience and attention, you can learn to work together with your partner. Surprisingly – or maybe not if you’ve experienced this yourself – it’s the little things in relationships that actually make or break them.
I’m sorry to say this but as romantic as it seems, finishing each other’s sentences is not exactly the definition of “oneness.” Is it cute? Sure – to an extent – but it does NOT sustain a marriage long term.
In order to work towards truly being ONE with your husband, you two have to be constantly communicating, exchanging ideas and evaluating situations together.
PS: In our communication webinar “Christ’s Methods To Conflict Resolution In Marriage” we explore different ways to communicate in order to get specific responses back. If you feel you need help in this area, you can learn more, here.
It’s Not About You
How many times have you heard someone say they knew their spouse was “the one” because he/ she made them “happy?”
All too often people get married because of what the other person can do FOR THEM but let me tell you… marriage is not about you!
It has never been and will never be.
As soon as you remove the “me” from your marriage, and replace it with “we”, “us” or “you,” I guarantee you will see a shift of focus and a change in purpose in both life and your marriage.
If you haven’t already read my post, “The Five Love Languages You Could Be Speaking With Your Spouse“, go ahead and take a moment to read that now. There you’ll find the steps for truly understanding one another and discovering how to speak your partner’s language, instead of your own.
Getting married in the first place was the easiest part- it’s staying married that takes effort.
As you journey through life together remember the three things we discussed above:
- First, you will both make mistakes in your own ways, so practice forgiveness and grace.
- Secondly, you have to learn to work together in the little things to make it last.
- And finally, your marriage is not about you, so don’t try to make it be.
To love, always,
Lawrence + Nathalie
Professional bio: We’re a husband-and-wife marriage mentoring team who equips struggling couples with effective communication techniques. We believe in thinking outside the box when working with couples because everyone—including YOU—has a unique, extraordinary love story. We’re passionate about teaching you how to replace the negative, unproductive communication patterns that just aren’t working with positive, more beneficial ones that will transform your marriage. To learn more visit: www.loveslegato.com. We cannot wait to meet you! Mark 10:9