If you are not familiar with the biblical story of Boaz and Ruth you can find the account in the Holy Bible’s Book of Ruth. As a quick summary: Boaz was a really wealthy landowner whom Ruth -a widow and a foreigner- gleaned the fallen wheat off of his field from. Upon seeing her, he told her to return and only glean from his field and no one else. He gives her a parting gift (extra wheat that was purposefully left over by the harvesters) to which she presented to her mother-in-law Naomi. Naomi inquires as to how Ruth was able to glean all of this wheat? After Ruth recounts her account with Boaz, Naomi gives her some instructions to which Ruth follows. Long story short, Ruth and Boaz eventually marry. The character Boaz was a powerful, compassionate and wealthy man who had a job and a profession before the girl. I’m sure if you’re a Christian you’ve heard the saying, Adam had God first, a job (Gardner) second and a home {the Garden of Eden) third before ever having his wife -Eve. In fact, it is almost a cliché understanding that single Christian women should not even look twice at a man who has neither of these three items. In the Christian world, women are being told to wait for their “Boaz” and avoid all his cousin “counterfiets” :

I beg to differ and ask,

“What if your husband-to-be is actually not a “Boaz” but a “Job” during his roughest moments in life (Job 1 & 2:1-10), or a “Moses” who was a murderer (yes, murderer: Exodus 2:11-15),  or a “Jonah” who rebelled against the will of God for his life (book of Jonah chapter 1)? What if your husband-to-be was a liar and a deceiver like Abraham (Genesis 20) and Jacob (Genesis 27:1-40)?

The list can go on and on.

We have to understand that sometimes God is actually not going to present this perfectly boxed up man who is perfectly wrapped up and tied with this perfect little red bow on top to you. He absolutely can, but sometimes He does not.  At times, He can give you this imperfect man, whose wrapping is all wrinkled up and tattered and definitely without a bow and broken. A broken person whom only you know how to love.  Or, a person who is in the pits of life whom only you can motivate and uplift through your unique gift. Yes, you can make up a list of what your “perfect man” would be like and present that list to Him. I sure did! Just be mindful that God can turn around and give you the complete opposite! He sure did for me!

When I met my husband, he was definitely the tattered box I did not want nor prayed for and was at the toughest part of life for him at that moment of time. He had no job. He had no money.  He had no car and was on the brink of being homeless. Yet, I still pursued a relationship with him because I saw something in him …..ok maybe the fact that he is super fine played a role also! 😉

No. I still cautiously pursued him while evaluating him based on these criteria:

  1. Why is he in this situation?
  2. What is he doing about it to change it?
  3. What goal(s) he is actively working towards to changing his current status?

I took a holistic view of his situation and took a step back and became his friend while being there for him, encouraging him to keep going and celebrating every minor achievement that got him one step closer to his goal. I used my words to uplift and encourage him every step of the way. Many a time, I see good man who is in rough patches be destroyed and totally broken by their woman words because they feel like he is less than a man because at that moment he cannot provide financially, mentally or spiritually to them like before; or, because their woman feel like he isn’t “a man” because he is struggling. Big mistake! Ladies, learn how to encourage, uplift and respect the men in your life: whether father, son, brother, cousin, friend, significant other. I guarantee that if you do that in his good and bad moments in life he will move mountains for you. Real talk.

By the grace of God, my husband was able to get on his two feet with the help of others and his own determination. When he finally did he became a “Boaz,” we married. I knew he was my “Boaz” because he said,

“Stay here with me and do not go anywhere else. I will protect you. I will provide for you.”

He gave me the gift of engagement and presented himself to my parents as my earthly protector, provider, and priest. By then, he had his own home, a car he purchased without a car loan, a job and was self-supporting. He was financially able to support the cost of the wedding and the merger of two homes as one.  Obviously, we are not rolling in dough, driving the newest luxury car model, nor are we living in a mansion! Despite that, I can honestly say that I am happily married to my husband and that he provides for not only my needs but also my wants.

Ladies, do not miss out in your husband because he isn’t “Boaz” when you met him. Sometimes God doesn’t give you a finished man but a man in progress. Please understand. I am not talking about a man who is jobless, moneyless, dreamless, who is perfectly content with living at his parents’ house playing video games for the rest of his life without any goals or aspirations to be better tomorrow than what he is today. No. I am talking about a man who doesn’t quite have it all together yet but is aspiring and actively working on goals to improve himself. You have to be ok with that. If not, it’s ok! Just please please please (as harsh as this might sound/be) leave him. Leave him rather than break and destroy him to the point of making his “Ruth’s” job so much tougher than it already has to be.  Take a complete look at his current situation, his current working goals and his demeanor, character, and attitude towards change.  Stop trying to force a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship with him; pressuring him to go out here and go see this movie there when he is trying to figure out where is next meal his coming from. Instead, be a friend first to him. Encourage him. Pray for him. When he is ready to be the “Boaz” he will step up. Sometimes, when you meet your “Boaz” he doesn’t know or see himself as a “Boaz” yet: just like shepherd boy David did not see himself as “king David” until God called him into that role. So, let God do that calling, not you.


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