Can I tell you a secret? Do you want to know something? I never inspired to a ‘Proverbs 31 wife’ – ever. Every time someone would mention her or preach about her I would feel oh so sorry for her and promise myself to never become like her – ever. I would get so annoyed when my friends/family would refer me to the Proverbs 31 ministries website and encourage me to study her so I could be a good wife to Lawrence. I do not need to study her to be a good wife. Furthermore, I do not even like her! Until….

I wanted to be that woman. Yes, me.

No, no, no, no. Don’t go clicking off this page just yet! Listen:

Now that I am going to become a wife soon, I decided to try to re-read and study Proverbs 31 again, only to find myself cringing over and over and over again, line after line after line. My biggest and only struggle with that passage is it seems like this women does nothing for herself! All she ever does is for her community, her family as a whole, her children and/or for her husband. Constantly, I walk away from the passage wondering who is she? Who was she before she married? What are her passions? Her dreams? Her fears? Who is she?

That is one of the few main things that terrifies me the most about marriage: the sense of identity loss: the loss that seems to begin the moment the brand new wife says “I do” when the minister says something like, “I would like to present to you Mr. & Mrs. John Doe…” As women, we are so caught up in the wedding bliss moment that we fail to realize wait, did my name really just changed from Miss Jane Smith to Mrs. John Doe??? Then, marriage life kicks in and it seems that all we can be is a wife, a cook, a housekeeper, a partner to our spouse, a mom, etc. and yet,

who is Jane Doe and where did she go??

In the year 2002, I idolized the woman in Kelly Clarkson’s top hit song ‘Miss Independent.’ I wanted to be this

Miss independent
Miss self-sufficient
Miss keep your distance
Miss unafraid
Miss out of my way
Miss don’t let a man interfere, no
Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off her throne
So, by keeping her heart protected
She’d never ever feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive
Said ooh, she fell in love

What is the feelin’ takin’ over?
Thinkin’ no one could open my door
Surprise, It’s time
To feel what’s real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No more the need to be defensive
Goodbye, old you
When love is true

– Kelly Clarkson

Wow, such powerful words! Being a young 15 year old at that time, I had no understanding of the true meaning of the words and I went around constantly and proudly singing “Miss Independent:” wanting to be that lady. 

Surprisingly, I see the Proverbs 31 wife in this song.

What?? Yes, I do! The Bible speaks of her, boasting of her qualities of being a strong and successful business women (Proverbs 31:16-18), an entrepreneur (24); she is well respected in her community (20); she is a devoted and loyal worker (13); she oversees the affairs of her household (27), she is not lazy (27); she is a self-confident and strong women (25, 26); she is carefree (25); she is well-kept physically on the outside (17,22); her children lovers her (28); and – best of all – her husband brags about her (28, 29)!

Here is a woman in a patriarch world being fierce!

This lady has reached the Mecca/Nirvanah/Utopia of marriage with admirable qualities that even I still struggle to achieve. This is a very independent, confident, compassionate and intelligent woman transforming her “Miss Independent” skills to serving her family and community instead of herself.

So yea, I want to be that kind of wife after all!

 

 

 

“Goodbye, old [me], [because] love is true.”

 

 

 

 

 

Part II

Penny For Your Thoughts