3 Things I Wish I Knew Before Marrying
Hey guys! How is newlywed life treating you two thus far??
I hope that you have not only been learning a lot here but putting what you have learned into practice together.
Today, I want to bring to you some very crucial tidbits that is always left out during the pre-marital counselling stage. Learn how your marital life can change drastically with the knowledge of these very thing!
Listen, of all the advice you want to hold on to; hold on to these the hardest:
1. You are going to make mistakes.
I mean, a lot. Some mistakes have the potiential to be more detrimental then others. However, just so you know, it is not the mistakes that destroy the marriage. Its how one responds to it.
One of the costliest mistakes (literally) my husband and I experienced about three months into our marriage valued at $3,400.00 Yep, that’s thousands not hundreds. Oh! By the way, that’s US dollars! . In addition, there were so many potential ways to lay blame on each other. However, guess what? We did neither pointing of fingers or laying out blame.
Instead, we did this:
- analyzed the situation from our point of view
- discussed the signs we missed collectively and individually
- made a plan for how we are going to deal with similar situations like that in the future.
By doing that, it brought us closer together and taught us how to work together. This lesson is one you want to master very early on into your marriage for it will set the tone.
Whether the mistake is his or her fault, who cares? The point is you are one now and guess what? That makes you directly involved in that mistake as well. So, find solutions not blame.
2. You have to learn to work together
This is not an easy task to learn, it is without a secret formula and definitely not learned overnight.
It is the constant little things that either drives you two closer together or further apart from acheiving this. I’m sorry to say this but as romantic as it sounds, finishing each other’s sentence is not “oneness.” Its cute, but it does not sustain a marriage.
In order to work towards “oneness” you two have to be constantly speaking. Constantly exchanging ideas and evaluating hypothetical questions. In our e-course “Forever Honeymoon” we explored different ways to communicate to get specific response back. You can learn more there.
3. Its not about you
Many go on marrying because of what the other can do for them. Ask anyone how do they know their spouse was the one and you will receive responses such as:
“He makes me happy.”
Guys, marriage is not about you. It has never been and will never be. As soon as you can remove the “me” from the marriage, and replace it with “we,” “us,” “you,” you will see a shift of focus and a change of purpose. Learn more by reading the post “5 Love Languages And Why Its Not For You.”
Marrying is was the easiet part. Staying married is where failure happens. As you go journeying through life together remember this: you guys will make mistakes so do not be so hard on each other; you have to learn to work together in the little things; lastly, this is not about you so don’t make it be.
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