Note: Images were taken from Pexels.com
Pre-marital advice is really a great tool to kick-off success to your marriage. It allows for discussions of things you and your future spouse never thought to discuss and it can also answer the question,
“Am I really ready for this?”
Trust me, whether you ask for it or not, advice will come!
What if the advice you are given actually can be detrimental to your “Happily Ever After?”
“Children Will Bless Your Marriage.
So, Have Lots Of Them.”
While children are a blessing from God, your marriage already was blessed before you had them. In addition, a marriage without children (whether by infertility, miscarriages, waiting period, empty nest) is not any less blessed than a marriage with a houseful of children.
The moment both partners said “I Do,” God has sealed your marriage covenant, bind it to eternity, and blessed it (Reference: Proverbs 5:18-19).
“If He Does Not ‘Act Right’ Do NOT Give
Him The Goods.”
Altogether, this is an awful awful and unBiblical advice. A marriage should never be operated on an “If…..then….” scenario (ie: “If you _______ then I will/you’ll ___________”). You are setting up your marriage for failure.
The coming together of a husband and wife as one should not be held for ransom or as a “reward.”.
The Bible even speaks against this in 1 Corinthians 7:5.
Husbands and wives need to learn how to communicate their needs – all of them: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Let’s face it, no one likes to be forced or blackmailed into doing anything. You might think it works for a time, but all that it is doing is creating resentment and distance between the two of you.
“Keep Yourself Together And Looking
Good For Your Husband. If You (wife)
Keep Yourself Up, He (husband) Won’t
This is a very commonly passed down fallacy. I am not sure why for there is no truth to this statement: at all.
Ladies, you are not responsible for the thoughts/actions of your husband for you cannot read a man’s heart. The Holy Bible states that sin (ie: adultery) comes from within (Reference: Mark 7:20-23) and starts with a look (Reference: Matthew 5:28).
While you are encouraged to look your best and maintain your body to its utmost potential as it is the temple of God (Reference 1 Corinthians 6:19-20), doing that is not going to keep a man from cheating if it is in his heart to do so.
Self-control and faithfulness within a marriage is a battle that every husband and every wife have to fight for themselves, and by themselves, on their knees and in constant prayer. I cannot fight that battle for my husband, my husband cannot fight that battle for me, and you (reader) cannot fight that battle for your husband/wife – no matter how “good” you look/are.
“Happy Wife, Happy Life.”
As innocent as this saying might seem, it can have a negative impact on a marriage. A marriage is made up of two individuals: the husband and the wife.
The wellbeing of one should impact (or uplift) the other. For, if your stomachaches, is not your whole body ill-at-ease?
Therefore, keeping a wife “happy” at the detriment of her husband will manifest itself at one point or another within the marriage: to the point where both spouses are “ill-at-ease.”
“She’s Always Right.”
This was my personal absolute pet peeve pre-marital counsel I received.
I am sure of the fact that everyone has heard of this saying or at one point it had been said to them (male or female!) I know this has to be true because this saying is popular and a bestselling product!
Ladies and gentlemen, if you value your marriage, do not and I repeat do not adopt this saying into your home: whether in thought, in merchandise or in words.”
It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt: and guaranteed someone will get hurt within that sentence. As mentioned in #2, husbands and wives need to learn and strive to operate together as a team. Within a team, no one is always ‘always right.’ Sometimes, things that seem “right” at that moment to one party can be a complete disaster for the both of them. If one party sees that and voices a difference, that difference needs to be addressed until both are in agreement or until whatever was agreed upon no longer works for one of them.
Marriage is not a ‘may the best one win’ battle. Obviously, through nasty divorce battles, you’ve probably heard of, seen, or even might have gone through yourself, no one “wins” and there will be battle scars. Therefore,
strive to start your marriage in togetherness. Lay down pride, lay down self, and lay down I. For because from now its no longer “I” but “you,” no longer “I” but “we.”