As newlyweds we get a lot of unsolicitated marriage counsels and questions. Some good, some really not so good.
Here are the top 5 questions we’re usually asked or told that really annoys!
I really do not understand the meaning of that sentence in regards to getting married…
What “game” where the husband/wife playing for it to be over??
Phrases like those are what I perceive to be a major hindrance in the development of the marriage relationship. If one is going into marriage thinking that the “game is over” that is where the lack of caring, lack of trying, lack of connection, lack of ______________ stems from.
If you already lost the game what else is there left to do?
“Have You Had Your First Fight Yet?”
With this question, it seems like people are just anxious to either see a couple fail or instigate drama. I say that because almost always the next question that follows when either one of the couples says “Yes” is,
“What was it about?”
Yea, how come?”
or something else similar to those lines.
Whether the couple had their first fight (or any fight) is really no one’s concern.
That is something for the couple in question to figure out how to resolve
a) amongst themselves or
b) with the help of that trusted SINGLE friend/mentor whom will listen and give impartial advice or
c) with the help of a trusted professional (ie: pastor, licensed therapist).
This is a tip that is valuable no matter how long one has been married:
Keep your differences between your partner and yourself until you feel like you need to involve one of the aforementioned individuals. Telling social media or all your friends at random the story really doesn’t add much value or resolution to your struggles.
“It’s Because You’re Still On Your
This is actually a response that is frequently said when a newlywed couple state that they are actually enjoying being married or love their spouse! It is as if it is a crime to actually be happy in your marriage!This statement is also detrimental because it can seed some doubt within the couples to wonder when will this person mess up? Or, is this really who they are? When is the change coming?
This statement is also detrimental because it can seed some doubt within the couples to wonder when will this person mess up? Or, is this really who they are? When is the change coming?
If asking a newlywed,
“How is married life?”
and the response is
be happy for them that it is “great!” at that moment. Stopping adding negativity.
Yes, we know, trouble will come. How can we not when that’s all married folks speak about are the troubles?
“How’s The Sex Life?”
The intent of the questioner of this question is hard to gather. Unless it is coming from a very close individual (ie: mom, sister, best friend) I can sort of see why they would ask. Even then, it is still a bit of a personal question.
Personally, I have lost track of how many times that question was possed to myself or my husband.
Our standard response?
“We have no complaints.”
Of course, the next question that follows is,
“What does that mean?”
It means we are trying to say nicely its none of your concern.
“When Is The Baby Due/Coming?”
This is number one because I’m sure if there is one question that every couple gets it is this one.
This question is extremely insensitive in so many ways!
#1: The couple could be silently going through infertility issues and that question is a constant reminder that the wife cannot conceive. Infertility already is a hard strain on a marriage and that question does not help anyone none.
#2: The couple could have just experienced a miscarriage and has not said a word about it.
#3: What baby (again)? Couples sometimes just want to adjust to this new living situation (especially if they never lived together during the dating stage) before bringing forth children to the home. Sometimes they are an a financial bind where having children is not a good idea because they can barely make rent this month. Sometimes, they might just actually want to enjoy each other for sometime before having children. Whatever the reason is, it is no one’s concern but the couples.
I rank this question along with the “how’s the sex” question in the “it is none of your business” category. Seriously. It’s not.
If the couple didn’t mention a baby, there is no baby.